Saturday, August 9, 2008


Our son is an addict.

He kicks back 8 ounces in the morning; 8 ounces mid-day, and 8-12 ounces before bed. If he doesn't get his full fix for the day he becomes "irritable, angry, hostile, fatigued, agitated, anxious, depressed, has mild psychosis, demonstrates a lack of coordination", and he has difficulty concentrating on, well, everything. His usage has lead to addiction. His dependence is alarmingly strong. His "need" for a regular hit uncontrollable.

Our kid's crack cocaine? Chocolate milk.

Sometimes he wakes in the middle of the night pleading for another hit. Jaren and I can quell the beast until morning, but when the sun rises, the master inside him is growling for appeasement, "Mom...gimme choco-malk, Mom." J and I have even worked out a system, because we found that the sooner we can get him his dope the better we start the day. Jaren will make his first shot while he is making breakfast and then bring the cup to me and set it by the bed. When the addicition begins to emerge, I roll over, and give in. Sometimes I even get an extra hour of sleep if we tame the beast fast enough.

Unfortunately, this morning, the demon exploded with mighty avengence; we were completely out of milk.

I had forgotten to buy any yesterday; it was a busy day with shoots, tutoring, a party to attend and life. I didn't think his reaction would be as bad as it was.

He asked for his morning crank. I told him there was none.

Hell hath no fury like a little boy with out his chocolate milk.

I have experienced 3 year old fits before, but this was withdrawal. There was "weeping, wailing, and gnashing of teeth". It was bad. He started in my closet pulling clothes from hangers, then he moved to Jaren's where he kicked the wall with repeated force. He ended the abusive tirade in the hall, begging, pleading, for "choco-malk Mom...please...please...please...Please gimme choco-malk Mom?"

Padding on the walls would have been a good choice when selecting the options for our home. If we had only known our first born was going to experience such a devastating addiction...

The fridge is currently stocked with both ingredients to create his substance; both hands are wrapped tightly around a full sippy.

Gun- Dad I am will look into programs starting tomorrow; promise you will accept the help? Or at least drop down a few levels to 1 % or skim?

p.s. There is no photo journalism, photographic or video, to document this moment; it would have just been too horrific for you.


Kate said...

You're such a good story teller!
But you know, Kam... I'm afraid this is all your fault. Gunnar's only 3 afterall. :)
The bright side is that there are lots of things worse than chocolate milk.

Barbra said...

That was too funny!!! Poor Gunnar. We have a 3 year old addict here as well. Keep me updated on any programs you find :) Do they have any for Adults as well:)I think that is how it all started here, I love the stuff!!! Have a great day!!!

Jennifer P. said...

Ah yes, kiddie coffee!--We know the beast well! I have been out of chocky-milk ingredients before and have actually mixed milk with vanilla, powdered sugar, and a mixture of food coloring to make it all appear brown-ish---just to appease the little stinker! Start thinning it with white milk little by little, and hopefully the withdrawl can be done without going to rehab :)

It was so good to get a comment from you the other day. You know i"ll keep reading if you never speak another word to me, but it's nice to hear from ya anyway :)!

From Russia With Love said...

You and Stacy can comiserate on this one. Casey downs the brown moo juice like a regular little chocoholoic. Cute story. Love to you all -- Mom N.